


Somebody else

by MARZs



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Narcissism, POV Carmilla, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Short One Shot, This is gonna be good, somebody else - Freeform, the 1975
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:40:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7482702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MARZs/pseuds/MARZs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on The 1975's music video "Somebody else". If you get the video i think you can get this, but of course there's always a twist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somebody else

You haven't heard a word form her. In fact has been weeks since you haven't come home to her, and probably she must be mad at you; besides that you think is fair she's not answering her phone because you didn't answered when she was calling you. You look up to the sky and seems like the storm is coming, you hear thunders and see lightnings but that doesn't scare you at all. You just keep thinking about how scared you can be if she is willing to forgive your absence with open arms and still loving you. That's scary, more than walking alone in a night like this.

You're in the front door, trying to think why do you even try if you clearly don't want any of this, but when you rethink all of this it might be your record... 5 months with the same person. It's not like you're poly, is just that you really don't want to be with someone; but you promised you'll try. So, you take a big breath, open the door and get in. The house is dark, obviously because is late and she works. Elle always like to sleep early and its so weird... is Saturday, and Sundays are her free day. But you don't care, not really; only because of the fact that she got you to live together. You have this little room to work on your stuff in the first floor so you get in and can't help to notice everything is just right where you left it. Also you finally found your leather jacket. Damn to yourself to not look better when you should be, all this time outside of the house without your jacket was terrible.

When you get upstairs you try to walk as quiet as possible, you don't want her to wake up and then have to deal with her, not now and not even tomorrow. With all the silence you hear some noises, "She's awake?" probably... maybe she fall asleep while watching the t.v. right? and the thing is that as closer you get to the bedroom you think maybe she IS awake so you keep walking quietly. A very familiar tone comes from the bedroom, she have hear it a million times and not only from her but from everybody and also you can hear a second voice with her; you don't think is possible, you're not even that lucky but yes... there are moans, sounds kind of desperate. Has logic since you left Elle by herself weeks and without a goodbye sex. So yeah... it's logic. While you stand by the door you can actually hear her having sex with someone else. But yet again you don't think it's true because you aren't lucky enough. Let's do it again, okay? You take a big breath, open the door and get in...

Sometime life can get surprising. It's her with other girl... maybe, maybe you are... or not, you're not sure how to feel about it... maybe disappointed but mostly happy to come on time. You are surprised, she is surprised, the other girl is surprised and you get surprised again to find out you used to date the other girl. Elsie.

"Carmilla..." Elle says as she covers herself and she's so hypocrite but you're not in place to judge, right? "Carmilla i am... SO sorry..."

You just stand there... trying to smile but no because you failed again. And you just stand looking to both of them and wonder why love is so hard. Why is so hard when you are not loving just yourself... all you do is going downstairs without hurry, grab your jacket from your little work room and sit on the couch of the living room. You just ruined all the fun so she's going to come down to reach you.

After waiting for them to put their clothes back on and Elsie to get out of the house. She sits beside you, kind of uncomfortable, kind of mad, kind of sad, kind of scare. You are just sitting there, not even by her side (intentionally) kind of disappointed, kind of happy... kind of neutral.

"Carmilla..." She starts saying with this other tone you know way well, more than you want to admit "i didn't want you to see that, but you left...." after that you just stop listening because you already know this talk, and you were lucky tonight so this only ends one way "-you can get that, right?"

You turn to see her, without any kind of expression; you just... sit. It kind of annoys her how much careless you can be. Now you just wonder how could she stand this attitude for so long.

Let's do this again but different, okay? You take a big breath, you stand up, get your stuff, open the door and walk away.

What to expect from the night? be under a sky with no stars, only lightnings and thunders. Thinking just for a moment, try your best to feel regret about what just happen; not trying to blame her for cheating on you; take fucking responsibility.

You walk into this dinner, it's alone but still open. A couple get in so it's not only you anymore. So it's time to think about what you did, but for the reason you know well you can't and instead you start crying remembering all the time you put on that relationship. How did let yourself to do that? to give yourself and you space and time of your life to someone who isn't you? you cannot stand to be with someone like that... emotions charging with the time passing, you just can't. You look up and you see it, you start to feel the same way you did a year back, it's scary... the scariest thing that it could ever happen to you. The couple ignores you after your awkward staring.

 

After the coffee you keep walking to nowhere and start to think about thing that happen years back, and then you remember Elsie. She wasn't your first girlfriend but she sure was another attempt to get better. You weren't even compatible, you were just desperate. And now she was just fucking your girlfriend. That's kind of sad. But you don't even care, you don't think you could. You're way too much for anybody else but yourself. You also remember that time your mother told you "You love yourself way too much and you're so unaware of it"  It kind of hurt you how much right she was, always telling you how dangerous it can turn out to be.

Now you stop by this karaoke bar, there are this people talking and laughing. When you sit at the bar you remember when you stopped drinking; your brother told you it was too much what you were doing to you body at that time and he was right; you will not do nothing to your body that its harmful. But here you are, about to give your first gulp after a long long time. Scotch is what you used to drink and that will be until the end of your days...

 

After half a bottle you're getting in the mood to sing a song or give a show in this case. Let's do a very different routine, okay? You take a big breath, stand up, borrow those glasses, get on stage and choose a song. While you're making the ridiculous in front of all this strangers you remember this girl that was with the only mob in the bar... a daughter maybe, it doesn't matter anymore because what you're scared the most appears again; you cannot stand to consider whatever you think you see the most beautiful thing in the world, but that's not what you promised; you promised to let that dream go. So you get to be singing and dancing on a stage to be throwing out on the restroom. While you look at the mirror you only see the mess you made of yourself. Looking intensely to you own eyes, trying to touch your reflexion. With you index finger starts to trace some numbers on the mirror. Your birthday, because is the only date you care the most; you are so glad that day come 21 years ago like if you're are so thankful your mom give yourself birth. But hell, that's the most narcissistic thought you ever had.

So now you're at the parking lot, and not so long you hear someone calling you. The guy with the mob, maybe the mob boss; and hits you. Apparently you stared way too much to his precious daughter, which face you don't remember, you just only see again your greatest fear and dream walk away with the mob.

 

 

"What a night" you thought to yourself. You left your girlfriend, you're facing your fears and got drunk. "What a night Karnstein". Now is only you wondering around the city all drunk and beated up. You went to the dinner, a karaoke bar... there's only one place left on this miserable tour. You go to the strip club, oh lord if you only knew what would had happen. Most of the thing that happened there didn't happen at all, it was only the alcohol. So... let's get to the fake routine, okay? you get in, get some drinks for you and this girl you have seen somewhere, she gives you a lap dance, both leave to her car and have sex. But as you told yourself all night long:  _you are not lucky enough..._

 

_..._

_You only wanted to get it right this time but you screwed up big time. Elle cheated on you with the girl you knew was your ex Elsie but in fact you didn't saw Elsie but yourself with Elle (somebody else), then get out of your new house to lose yourself to death and the first stop was the dinner on the corner of a street to cry yourself out about you watching yourself with someone who wasn't you (so narcissist) and then the couple sit two tables in front of you and the girl that was facing you was actually just you dinning with some guy you don't know (somebody else). They ignore you but you don't because you knew you weren't drunk. You got scared; and then you stop by the karaoke bar to drink yourself out about you being with other people (somebody else) so you get drunk and choose a song to dance and sing out loud and that daughter caught your eye but you are just imagining yourself again with all the mob (somebody else) a illusions that you want to let go 'cause you know  it's not real, then you got beat up on the parking lot by her dad. You're bleeding and all drunk. You stopped by the strip club and start to disturb by annoying the bartender and doing some pathetic pole dance and then go to the girl's car and have some action....._

_. . ._

That is actually happening, and it's not an illusion. So many years wondering and wondering "What if you look for somebody else and leave yourself alone?" Is the daughter and she can actually tel because she remembers her face. She actually bought her a drink. She's almost on the edge and so is the girl. When both get done with each other you only see her with a big smile on her face and laughing. Now you're beating up, dizzy, drunk and confused.

"what's so funny?"

"nothing "she laughs more "is just that even drunk i think you're cute... i guess that sober you'll be cuter"

"how do you know?" you just start to act like you always do, with no feelings and distant but mostly cold and then her face kind of want you make to stop "anyway i thought you were having a father-daughter bonding time"

"i felt bad about it" she says as she rest her head on the crook of your neck as she speaks softly "so this is my apologize" and then she gives you a kiss

You kind of feel weird, now the girl is the girl and an illusion of yourself is on the co-pilot seat of the car. You see looking at you... at yourself. It's kind of confusing but you see yourself leaving the car and walking away, and now you have this girl agitated on top of you. Both breathless. She gets away to look at your face and say "I'm Laura" as she offers her hand to handshake

"Carmilla" and you do shake her hand.... that's new (and it's somebody else)

She gives you the keys of the car on your hands and you look confuse "don't drive until you get sober, anyway i think you don't have a car to get home so..."

"i think you just help me to get sober creampuff" and you wink, which is also new and weird...

She smiles at you and gives you a goodbye kiss and get out of the car. And you just sit there... you spend years, YEARS trying to figure it out; how to look for someone who isn't you "How can people fall in love for someone who isn't you? you gonna die alone anyway" you used to thought, now you're not sure; but also not sure if you don't want to see yourself with her or you wont stand to see her with somebody else, and for the first time you look back. So let's get to the new routine, okay?

**_You take a big breath, get out of the car and girl the hell up_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Still don't know if i wrote all this shit right


End file.
